The past two years we have gone to the aquarium as a family but this year we are all sick so we ended up just going to the cemetery. We brought Grayson a Christmas tree like we do every year. As time passes I get more frustrated with memories and how it always seems like the sweet memories are the ones that tend to fade over time but yet I am haunted by the awful memories. December 13th, 2009... I remember every detail... every face I saw, every word that was spoken, Grayson's last breath, the intense pain as I felt my heart break. I remember everything so clearly, even though when I was living in the actual moment it felt like I was walking in a fog. I felt that way for days after and eventually the fog lifted and left me with these vivid memories. Memories are tricky like that. I try very hard to focus on the good memories... remembering how it felt to hold his little body against mine and smell that wonderful baby smell. Thankfully I still remember and I think as Grayson's mom, that is a memory and a feeling that, happily, I will never forget.
|Skin to skin with Daddy|