Grayson

We stopped by the cemetery on the way to pick up Carter yesterday. Grayson's marker had finally arrived and it looks beautiful... just like our little boy.

Happy Anniversary

Yesterday was our 4-year wedding anniversary. It was also the last night we would have to spend without Carter at home! We went to Disneyland for a few hours, rode some rides, ate a frozen banana... but the best part about it was just being together. I truly believe that marriage can be the foundation of a family and I am certain that our family... despite all that we have recently been through... is off to a solid start because of the love we have for each other. I could not endure any of life's trials without Dave by my side. He is supportive, loving, and absolutely amazing. He reminds me to calm down when I am stressed out and uptight and is able to make me laugh and lift my spirits even when I am feeling as though I could never smile again. So Happy Anniversary to my dear husband... and for anyone else reading this post: I wish you the same love and happiness for 2010. Maybe this will be a year for all hearts to mend.

El Toro Memorial Park

For those of you who don't know, Grayson's final resting place is at the El Toro Memorial Park. He is with all the other children who have passed away, which is comforting to me. Jesse took a beautiful picture of it:

Happy New Year

2009 was a bittersweet year for us as a family. We endured many obstacles with this pregnancy, but were blessed to have two beautiful twin boys. Losing Grayson was the hardest thing I have ever endured and my heart still aches every day. I know that people say it will get easier with time, but I still find that hard to believe. The only thing that eases the pain is being with Dave and our little Carter.

Carter seemed to realize that 2010 was a new year and decided he wanted to come home. We were not expecting him to be ready until the end of January/beginning of February, especially considering his due date is February 7th. But, he seems to be determined. Our little boy will be home, in our arms forever, this Saturday, January 9th! He is 4 and a half pounds, loves his bottles, and is breathing on his own with no spells. He will have spent 54 days in the NICU. The nurses have him right next to their station and they said they call him "Mayor of the NICU." They will be sad to have him leave. He is such a good baby--he never cries (Just grunts and groans--a result of which is a hernia! One more thing to worry about!)

This week is very busy! He gets circumsized this morning (poor guy!) and has his eye exam tomorrow. He also has to pass his car seat test. Dave and I are spending Friday night with him in the hospital as a trial run and if all goes well, we will just take him home with us Saturday morning. I feel like we are ready... at least as best as we can be. Here are some cute pics from the past month or so.

Grayson Hunter Hill: In Our Hearts Forever

Dear Grayson,

We never really knew the true depths of love until we found out that we were pregnant. We loved you from the moment we saw you on the ultrasound and were overcome with joy when we found out we were having twins, two boys. You were so active in your mother’s belly. We thought that you might become an Olympic gymnast with the amount of twists and flips you were able to pull off. Carter was much calmer and liked to cuddle with you, his beloved brother. We loved you when we first saw your sweet face on your birthday—November 17th. There was no question that you were destined to be named Grayson Hunter. You have brought nothing but pure joy into our lives and into our hearts and we will cherish and love you for the rest of our days.

Even though you only had 27 days of life on Earth, you will be a part of our family forever. We will never forget you. Every time we close our eyes, we can still see your precious face. Every day we will remember you as Hans, “Baby B”, our second child, and Carter’s younger brother. Despite being born 12 weeks early, you showed us that you were a strong, determined, and brave little boy. You always made us smile with your grumpy face. We loved to hold you and rub your back. You loved to hold our fingers with your tiny hand, an act your father cherished most, as your grip was so strong and life affirming.

Sunday, December 13th was a tragedy for our family. We chose to have your last moments of life to be spent in our arms. We hope that this brought you comfort in some way. We held you tight and rocked you and kissed your head. We hope that this eased your pain and brought peace into your heart when you departed.

As your parents, our hearts are broken that you had to leave us so soon. We are at a loss for any explanation as to why you couldn’t stay. We feel cheated out of the life that we were anticipating for us as a family. Despite all of our grief and sorrow, please know that you will never be forgotten or replaced. You will always be our son and Carter will always be reminded of his special twin brother. We know that the two of you will be connected forever. We promise to try our best to remain strong and brave for Carter. We know that he deserves to have a strong family to help him grow and develop through his life. We promise to focus on all of our happy memories with you. In your short life, you have given us enough love and happiness to fill our hearts for a lifetime and to help our family feel complete.

Please rest in peace knowing that you were such a special little boy. You were loved by so many people who never even met you. You will live in our family’s hearts forever.

We are honored to be your parents.

Love,

Mom and Dad

Growing Boys!

Nothing new to report except the boys are getting big! Carter is now 2lbs 12 oz and Grayson is 3 lbs 2 oz. Here are some cute pictures from yesterday.

Packing On The Ounces

Nothing new to report (which is a good thing!) Now that I can drive again, I have been making my way to the hospital about two times a day (morning and night.) I wish we lived closer! The boys are happy, healthy, and gaining weight. They get their feedings increased frequently so we expect to see a couple of chubby babies soon! We get to hold them every day which is the most amazing feeling in the world. They are starting to do more "baby-like" things, such as making faces and noises. Grayson makes a funny clicking noise with his mouth when I hold him--it is pretty darn cute. Carter kept sticking his tongue out last night and started sucking on his hand. They cry and get fussy just like normal babies. They had scans done of their little brains and everything looks perfect. I just wish we could fast-forward through the next couple of months. I can't wait to have them home!