Moments of Being

I love Virginia Woolf. I remember reading her memoirs in college and feeling like my world finally made sense. She described life as moments of being and non-being. The non-being is the "cotton wool of daily life." But the moments of being are the flashes or sparks of awareness where we are fully conscious of our experiences and where we are aware of how we fit into a pattern larger than ourselves. Woolf writes, "All human beings are connected with this; that the whole world is a work of art; that we are parts of the work of art. We are the words; we are the music; we are the thing itself."

On that note, I think I have been experiencing quite a lot of moments of being lately. I think it may have something to do with being a mom. I feel like my world is now united and knitted together with Carter and Dave... we are one unit. A family. Here are my moments of being from just this past week:

This is Carter's "naughty" look. It is the face he gives me when I catch him doing or playing with something that he knows is off-limits. I love it because it shows his budding personality--one that leans towards being mischievous. Carter is very curious and attempts to climb up and into everything. This week he climbed up to the toilet and I found him dangling his arms over the edge and splashing in the toilet water. Gross, yes, but once again, it was an act that was just pure innocent curiosity and for that I loved it.

Carter's naughty face bears a pretty strong resemblance to this little boy's naughty face:

Random moment of cuteness--this is the reason why all of my pictures of Carter do not have a flash.

This is Dave teaching Carter to drink from a straw. May seem insignificant, but this was the first time Dave and I managed to successfully feed Carter at a restaurant. He has had a lot of trouble with the transition to real food (not pureed baby food) and here we sat at Wahoos and watched Carter happily scarf down chicken, rice, and black beans without gagging or throwing up once. (A miracle in my eyes.)

Carter is a nature and animal lover. He adores all creatures, big and small. I think it reflects his tender and caring heart. He has such a sweet soul. I love watching him interact with dogs and cats. He also loves birds and even guinea pigs! He went outside with his Grandpa the other morning to watch a crow try and eat leftover Del Taco from a paper bag in the street. He was fascinated.

January 2010 was when Carter moved out of the NICU and into our home. We went back to visit the NICU to celebrate his 1-year anniversary. We brought them a card and a cake. My stomach filled with anxiety as we walked up the same flight of stairs that I had gone up twice a day for 54 days. At first I just felt this overwhelming sense of dread to be back there but as soon as I saw Carter's face (smiling and giggling, totally oblivious to where we were), I felt relaxed and calm and joyful that I have a healthy, happy 14-month-old.

Today is Dave's 31st birthday! Carter woke his daddy up this morning and told him we were taking him out to breakfast to celebrate. I still can't believe my husband is in his 30s and can tease him about it as I have yet to reach that milestone. He's come a long way from the 18-year-old punk rock, mohawked kid that I fell in love with.

Here is Dave on his first birthday. I bet I could pass this picture off as Carter if it wasn't so dated.

My last moment of being is in the fact that yes, I still rock my toddler to sleep. He isn't a "baby" anymore but he is still my tiny little munchkin and I cherish the fact that most of the time, he still lets me rock him and cuddle him to sleep. I love how peaceful it is to snuggle with my little boy and hear him sing and babble himself to sleep. These are the moments that make life worth living.